Insanity With A Price
by Heh Choke On This Puppy
Summary: A new girl is in the class, but she is horribly INSANE. Dib and Zim work to get rid of her, but something is messed up about this particular person... yay another chapter. You are amazed, no?
1. Here she comes! The insane person! Oh my...

[Author's note]  
  
OH MY FREAKING FORKS…  
  
[So, yeah.]  
  
"Class, because you are stupid, it is time to introduce a new classmate to you. She is new to the neighborhood, and most likely a worthless heap of flesh just like the rest of you. Jessica, you can drag your wasted life into here."  
  
"What does that have to do with any of us being stupid?" Dib asked incredulously. The question remained unanswered, because at that moment, the girl stepped into the room.  
  
She was clad in a roomy black shirt with the symbol "Z?" stamped onto the front in white print, and had baggy gray shorts that went past her knees. She wore ankle socks and Nike sneakers, and her chestnut hued hair fell a bit past her shoulders. A stupid grin was on her lips, and her hazel eyes gleamed with excitement.  
  
"Hi!" she squealed. "My name is Jessica, but call me Jess." She then proceeded to look around the room with amazement.  
  
"Um. Hi, Jess," the class greeted doubtfully.  
  
"So, where do I sit?" Jess asked breathlessly. Ms. Bitters aimed a gnarly finger at a table in the back, with a rusty folding chair placed beside it. Jess frowned, glancing around. "Why so far away from everyone?" she asked innocently.  
  
"Because you're just going to become another wasted life form that I will come to hate," Ms. Bitters snapped, whooshing back to her seat. Jessica reluctantly walked to the back of the classroom and seated herself.  
  
"Now, returning to what I was saying before," Ms. Bitters growled, "moose often prey on little people that live in HORROR. And---"  
  
But she could not go on, for a loud BANG! filled the room, followed by a stupid giggle. Everyone turned around in their seats and saw Jess sitting in Smeedge's seat, smiling angelically, and Smeedge sprawled on the floor, seemingly unconscious, with the now fallen, rusty folding chair lying next to her.  
  
Dib glared accusingly at Jess. "Why in the WORLD did you do that?" he asked.  
  
Jess screamed and jumped up and down in her seat, as if she were on drugs. "DIBBUMS!!!"  
  
"How the---"  
  
"Quiet, ALL OF YOU!" Ms. Bitters roared, whooshing over to Jess's seat. Making her spooky rattlesnake noise, she questioned, "Did you commit this horrible act to gain your seat?"  
  
Jess smiled stupidly and answered, "Mmyep."  
  
"You get an A for violence against worthless, air-wasting objects," Ms. Bitters sneered, returning to her seat. Jess smiled smugly, and everyone else snickered. The lesson was about to go on, but another bang interrupted them, and the next thing you knew, Jess was seated at Tae's seat, and Tae had joined Smeedge on the floor. The fallen folding chair lay sprawled next to Jessica's newly claimed seat. A few mutters sounded across the classroom, but everyone just returned to doing whatever they were doing to keep from hearing Ms. Bitters's horrible lecture of doom.  
  
BANG!  
  
And as expected, Jess was soon in Chunk's seat.  
  
Two more bangs occurred, leaving the insane girl in Brian's seat, next to Zim. She smiled slyly at him, winking. Zim sneered, inching away.  
  
:o) =) :o) =) :o) =) :o) =) :o) =) :o) =) :o) =) :o) =) :o) =) :o) =) :o) =) :o) =) :o) =) :o) =) :o) =) :o) =) :o) =) :o) =) :o) =) :o) =) :o) =) :o) =) :o) =) :o) =) :o)  
  
Zim banged open the door and stomped inside. "GIR!" he yelled, and his insane robot hurried over to greet him. "Yes, master?" he asked.  
  
Zim snorted, shutting the door, and having no one else to rant to, he began ranting to GIR. "There's a new girl in our class, GIR. She's insane. She's an idiot, actually, much like the Dib-worm. She knocked five kids just to sit next to me, and I would say she likes me… the horror… but the last time I believed such a thing, I was attacked continuously. Of course, that was Tak. I don't think this girl is an Irken, and if she is… well someone help us, idiots are being born into a superior race such as ours."  
  
  
  
:o) To be continued =) 


	2. Mishta, I is only ten but I gots a lotta...

A/N: Um... I'm gonna continue this because I need to get it finished or else I'll go insane, and because I'm bored. Yeah! I never expected to get any reviews at all so I decided to not let you peoples down. Hah-hah. Cheer with happiness. Happiness is good... WHILE IT LASTS!! Squee!  
  
~... do dayt?~  
  
When Dib entered the classroom that morning, Jess was positively beaming. "Hi, Dibby-Wibbums!" she greeted, resting her chin on her clasped hands and gazing up at him dreamily. Dib sneered, whirling around to face her and slamming his hands on her desk, causing her to instinctively jump. "Who are you?" Dib demanded through clenched teeth. "Where do you come from?"  
  
Jess stared at him for a second before a spooky grin split her face. "Somewhere," she said, giggling. She flicked his nose, causing him to stumble back, holding it in his cupped hands. "Nyah! What was that for?"  
  
"No particular reason!" Jess said proudly, throwing her arms behind her head and putting her feet up, smiling contentedly. Dib growled angrily at her before making his way to his desk and seating himself. Jess clapped a hand over her mouth to pathetically muffle a giggle, and Dib rolled his eyes. 'Look's like this one doesn't have all the lights on upstairs,' he miserably thought to himself.   
  
When Zim stepped in, Jess nearly fell out of her chair. Regaining her composure, she put her legs back under the desk, clasped her hands, and smiled happily at him. Seeing this, Zim gritted his teeth and pressed himself up against the wall, cautiously inching to his desk. Jess intently watched his every movement, fascination crossing her features. When Zim took his seat, the girl squealed and this time did manage to throw herself out of the seat. Dib snickered while everyone else regarded the idiot rolling around on the floor, laughing insanely for no particular reason whatsoever. It wasn't until Ms. Bitters came in that the girl forced herself to catch her breath. She was on her back, holding her knees to her chest, her hair frazzled. She stared up at the freakish teacher. "Good morning, Ms. Bitters," she greeted, smiling.  
  
"Get off the floor, you rotting piece of pork flesh," Ms. Bitters said as she swept over to her desk. Jess swallowed another burst of laughter and got to her feet, seating herself once again. She turned to Zim, smiling inanely. Zim squealed and immediately looked away. Jess frowned, but then smiled as she thought of a brilliant idea. She quickly snatched out some looseleaf, and then messily scrawled all over it. She balled it up and tossed it in Zim's direction. Zim growled as the wad of paper hit his head, and then grabbed it and unballed it. It read as follows:  
  
'Hi, Zimbo-limbo! HOT DAWG! HOT DAWG! HOT DAWG! HOT DAWG! HOT DAWG! HOT DAWG!'  
  
"What kind of stupidity IS this?!" Zim demanded, leaping upon his desk and raising the paper high into the air.  
  
"ZIM!" Ms. Bitters hollered. "You just wasted five seconds of your life! You will regret this when you're an old man, filled with doomy cancer and dying in a retirement home."  
  
"What?! What is this cancer-beast?! I will find out what this thing that dares to destroy Zim is, and---"  
  
"ZIM!" Dib screamed, "You're gonna start a whole new episode in itself! This thing will have to be extended because you'll be too busy trying to figure out what the hell cancer is, and when you finally do, it's just gonna take us back to where we started from!"  
  
"Holy crap, he's right," Zim said. He quickly fell back into his seat and tore the paper into shreds. "I am a happy worm with no knowledge of cancer. I will stay that way," he said, faking a smile.  
  
Ms. Bitters hissed with irritation, and suddenly, Jess exploded into laughter.   
  
"What is your PROBLEM?!" Dib screamed, fed up with her antics. "What the hell are you laughing about NOW?!"  
  
"MISHTA... MISHTA... I IS ONLY TEN BUT I GOTS A LOTTA HATE IN ME..." and here, she broke off into laughter, "I IS GONNA BEAT YOU LIKE MY MAMA BEATS ME," she said before practically hyperventilating in her excitement and enjoyment of what she was stating. She paused to gather as much of her bearings as possible (which wasn't much) before continuing. "I IS GONNA DRINK YOUR BLOOD AND POOP ON YOUR HEAD!!" Finishing, she purposely threw herself out of the desk in order to roll around the floor freely. By this time she was red in the face.  
  
"Did you make that up?" The Letter M asked. Jess shook her head violently before leaping to her feet, fire in her eyes. "How dare you?! DO I LOOK LIKE JHONEN VASQUEZ?! HUH?! DO I?! ANSWER ME!!!"  
  
The Letter M cocked his eyebrow but nonetheless shrunk back into his seat. Jess threw her head back and sat back down again, obviously satisfied with this reaction even though it was not what she had asked for, exactly. But oh well! I don't even know where the hell this is going right now. Damn. I need to go bang my head against the wall or something. I cannot do this while listening to Beauty and the Beast songs. RARGH! ~flounces off~  
  
The bell to signify that class was over and it was lunchtime rang, because I wanted it to. Live with my wanting-to-ness.  
  
"Ooh, lunch!" Jess squealed, throwing herself out of her seat again. She seemed to have a knack at doing that. "So, what're we having?" No one answered her, however. People had learned to ignore her by now. Kids trudged out of the classroom, shuffling past her body. Jess stood up and brushed herself off (Some weird screwed up noise just happened outta nowhere in my room right now and I don't know what it is or where it came from. I have to do Social Studies h/w. What the hell, there it goes again! I added this comment because I can :P).  
  
Jess skipped into the lunchroom. They were serving nasty stuff. Gahh... I CAN'T WRITE TODAY, CAN I?! Anyway, it was fried flamingos smothered with mustard and peaskins all packed together to form a nifty little pyramid. Nifty, huh? Huh?! She got her tray and admired the little peaskin pyramid. It was very nifty, very nifty indeed. Jess finally raised her eyes to see Zim sitting at a table alone. A smile split her face as she hurried over to him. "Hey, Zimbo-limbo!" she greeted amiably.  
  
"Don't call me that," Zim muttered.  
  
"Can I sit here, please, Zimby?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Okay."  
  
Jess set her tray down next to Zim and sat down. She smiled a big spooky-lookin' grin. "I thought I told you you couldn't sit next to the almighty Zim," Zim spat, raising an eyebrow. Jess shrugged and began poking her little pyramid with a fork, amazement coming over her features. "Hey, Zimfra, check this out!" she whispered, poking the side of it. The pyramid wavered and made a little squeaky noise before returning to its former position. Jess giggled inanely before handing the plastic, soiled fork over to Zim. "Now you try," she whispered, as if it were a secret that only he could hear. Zim looked at the pyramid with disgust. "Go on, Zimlim, go on," Jess said excitedly. "Stop calling me those stupid names," he muttered through gritted teeth before poking it. The pyramid did the same thing as before, and Jess let out a whoop of joy. "I WIN!!"  
  
"You win WHAT?" Zim asked flatly.  
  
"Sir Ramen's ASS! Wait, no, that's not right. I dunno. Why are you asking ME?! Damn you," she growled, getting up and stalking off. However, before she got too far away, she turned her head and flashed him a smile over her shoulder. Zim growled, none too happy.   
  
Jess reached the table where Dib and Gaz were sitting. "Hi, Dibinga," Jess said sweetly. "Dib-in-ga? What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Dib asked. Jess shrugged and sat near him. "Soo, whassup?" she asked, looking interested. "What's it to you?" Dib asked. "I don't know," Jess admitted, and then smiled. "Hey, Dibola, you're funny-lookin'. Like somethin' that looks funny."  
  
"Gee, thanks," Dib said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. Jess beamed. "I wuffles you, Dibni!" she squealed before tearing out of the lunchroom to Neptune knows where.  
  
Gaz snickered. No, she did not snicker good-naturedly. She snickered AT Dib, not with him. She was not being nice! No! NO! Stoppit! "Dibni?" she asked with an evil smile. Dib hid his face, embrassed, and growled into his hands, "Ohhh how she will PAY..."  
  
  
I's is gonna stop here. Yah. I got somewhere to go with it but right now it's just jumping any which way, and that is no good. Noo. And I wrote enough, and you knowsies, I got some stupid S.S. questions to answer. NO! They're not due tomorrow, stupidhead! But I might have plans for tomorrow, soo... dude. Whatever. There are so few people probably reading as far as this anyway. Adieu, spootwads :P (THAT WAS NOT EVIL! THAT WAS GOOD-NATURED! IS NOT GOOD-NATURED-LESS LIKE GAZ!) 


	3. And the pursuing begins!

A/N: Y'know, this is the longest chapter I've ever written of ANYTHING? Sad, huh?  
  
Disclaimer: Let's see... if I owned Zim, do you think I would be sitting here wasting my time writing this senseless crap? Phh. I thought so.  
  
----  
  
When skool let out, Dib fled out of the building to take shelter behind some shrubbery. DON'T ask me how that is possible with his bloated head. I don't know. Maybe the shrubbery was giant or something. Okay, fine, I'll shut up. Geez.  
  
Zim finally came out of the skool, one of the last students. Dib immediately lashed out, grabbed him, and yanked him behind the really gigantic patch of shrubbery. "What are you--" Zim began to protest before Dib clapped a hand over his mouth. "Shut up!" he hissed. "Just shut up!" Seeing that Zim was going to comply, he released him. Zim hunkered down and peered through the leaves to see Jess come skipping out of the skool. "What are we doing, Dib-monkey?" Zim whispered, hatred gripping his voice. He didn't understand the big-headed kid, really. I mean, there aren't many people that do.   
  
"I told you to shut up," Dib snapped, unfazed by the venomous expression that had crossed Zim's features. "You have to be quiet, okay?"   
  
Zim bit his lip to restrain a full-blown rant of doom and stuck his tongue out at his nemisis when Dib had returned his attention to Jess, who had stopped to breathe in the fragrance of a cluster of pink-hued flowers. She drew in a large lungful of air, sucking a few bees up into her nasal cavity. She smiled contentedly before plucking a flower out of its little nest of soil. She tore the stem off and for a moment, one would think that she was going to place the flower in a convenient spot on her head in her hair. But instead she popped the top of the flower into her mouth. Chewing the mess of fine petals and pollen, she proceeded to skip to wherever her destination was.  
  
"Oh-kay... that was disturbing," Dib said, creasing his forehead in amusement. Zim, of course, agreed, but did not say so. Why? I don't know, you ask him! He didn't want to agree with him or something. Nyagh, leave me alone, it's a Sunday night!!   
So anyway, Zim wheeled around to face his enemy. "Dib," he spat, "tell me now why you have treated me like... some... THING instead of the wonderful being that I so am?! Pulling me into this... horrible... plant thingie of doom and speaking to me so rudely, I mean!"   
  
Dib blinked, gaping at him blankly. "Come on," he ordered, rising to his feet and stealthily pursuing Jess. "What the -- oh, you little weasel!" Zim spat, stumbling to his feet and chasing after Dib. He was about to run headlong into him to send him sprawling onto the concrete, but Dib, sensing his sudden prescense, held his palm out behind him. Zim, startled, screeched to a stop as best as he could, his momentum carrying him forward only to crash into Dib's outstretched hand with an "oof!" This minor collision left the invader's wig askew and he quickly readjusted it before regaining his composure. "There she is," Dib whispered. Zim had his mouth open, anger contorting his features, but he was at a loss for words.   
  
Dib ignored him, his eyes still trained on Jess who was olivious to their being there. She had sat down on a bench to stare intently at a little old lady who was tossing flecks of food onto the ground, where pigeons were attempting to get at it, tearing each other's heads off in the struggle. Yes, I mean litterally. The food was coming from a reeking, old potato sack labeled, "Brain Meats." The little old lady was busily blathering on to Jess, mistaking her for someone who likes to listen to little old ladys' "Why-back-in-my-day" rambles.  
  
"Yes, so anyway, when I was speakin' to Jerry Hawker, mah best friend Lisa Wing came wit a sack o' potatoes. You know them potatoes, right, da ones made o' rat heads? Yeah, Ma and Pa used to love dem potatoes, I tell you. Wolfin' dem down like a pack o' animals. You kids these days, you eat nothin' but chocolate! Why, back in my day, any kid who ate too much chocolate wound up gettin' rotten teeth! Wheneva Ma found me eatin' chocolate, she would spank my big round healthy butt till it was red like an apple! LIKE AN APPLE, I TELLS YA!"  
  
"Wow. That's horrible," Zim commented, scared beyond belief. Dib nodded, the expression on his face bearing no disagreement. Jess seem unfazed by the woman's rant, though. In fact, she had instead resorted to gawking at the pigeons tearing at the brain meats. She suddenly leapt up and screamed like a monkey before attacking the old woman and beating her with the potato sack. Dib and Zim both gaped. When she had finished, she got up, cradling the sack of brain meats and popping some into her mouth. She skipped away, her eyes alight with happiness. Dib looked positively sickened, as did Zim. They glanced at each other before keeling over and bidding farewell to their lunches. Dib straightened up, wiping his mouth. "Come on," he urged when Zim had finally finished. "We have to follow her." They began running and only slowed their pace when they were nearing her. She had ditched the bag of brain meats (thankfully) and was standing in front of a small, modest-looking house. She smiled before bursting through the door and vanishing into the it.  
  
Dib and Zim advanced into the lawn, staring up at the house. It looked plausible and welcoming, painted a cheery light blue, and it was kept tidy. Dib looked about to see that the lawn was mowed. There was some shrubbery and patches of honeysuckle and tulips lining the picket white fence. The sun shone upon the little house, illuminating it in kind yellow light. It seemed to say, "Come in, come in, child, for some milk and cookies!" Even so...  
  
"You go in," Dib said, pushing Zim ahead.  
  
"Not a chance," Zim snapped, "You go in."  
  
"No, you go in."  
  
"No, YOU go in."  
  
"YOU go in!"  
  
"No way! You go in. You were the one who wanted to follow her anyhow."  
  
"So what? You came with me. Go in."  
  
"Correction, you DRAGGED me along. I am not going in first."  
  
"Yes you are."  
  
"No I'm not, YOU are."  
  
"Are not."  
  
"Are too."  
  
"Are not."  
  
"Are too."  
  
---  
  
Meanwhile, Jess tore up the stairs to her room, which was sponge painted with dark blues and light blues. There was a light blue rug, and she had a light blue bedspread. Talk about blues. She immediately ran up to a very bad, sketchy drawing of something... God knows what, the picture was that bad. She smooched it, threw it up into the air, and began dancing a jig for no apparent reason.   
  
"Jessica! What do you want for dinner?" someone's voice called out from below. "Pie!" Jess chirped, abruptly ending her dance to fondle a stuffed dog perched at the foot of her bed.   
  
"You can't have pie for dinner," the voice argued.  
  
"Brownies, then," Jess suggested.  
  
"Okay!" the voice agreed. Jess nodded with contentment before rummaging around in a box and yanking out multi-colored sheets of paper. She hurriedly ripped them up, flung the window open (facing the other side of the street, not the lawn, mind you), chucked the paper out and screamed, "HAPPY NEW YEAR'S!" Giggling, she turned on her heel and went to play a game on her computer, letting the hours simply drift by as the sun sunk lower and lower in the sky.  
  
---  
  
"Rock, paper, scissors says SHOOT!"   
  
"Paper and paper? Ugh, another tie. Rock, paper, scissors says SHOOT!"  
  
"Oh. We both have rocks. Rock, paper, scissors says SHOOT!"  
  
"HA! Beat you! Paper beats rock!" the victor than clamped his hand onto the other's in a display of the paper consuming the stone.  
  
"But... I don't wanna go in first!" the loser cried, staring fearfully at the door to Jess's house.  
  
"Oh well. I won fair and square. You're going," the other snarled. The loser shuddered with disgust before advancing on the door. He raised his hand as if to press the doorbell, but the other one shook his head rapidly and made a gesture that indicated to open the door instead. The one at the door gulped before putting his hand on the knob. He slowly turned it and then proceeded to push the door open, cringing when it protested by creaking loudly. The person at the door froze, eyes darting about, before relaxing and slipping in.  
  
Dib pressed himself up against the wall, his clenched fists shaking. Jess truly disturbed him. Who knew what she might do to him if she found him wandering about her house? She already knew so much about him... but how? Maybe she had mysterious psychic powers... despite the negativity in this suggestion, Dib couldn't help but perk up. Jess was ignorant. If she had psychic powers, surely she would reveal him her secret... and he could send it to Mysterious Mysteries! "Amazing Psychic Girls Do Exist!: Psychic Girl Found by Dib!" He almost cried out in joy at the possibilities. Then again... maybe Jess was just a regular loony. A loony with knives and sporks just waiting to tear him apart. The young boy shuddered before surveying his surroundings.  
  
The house still looked normal, even on the inside. It was decked with the usual family photos, flowers, paintings, tables, etc. It looked clean and smelled of perfume and other neat fragrences. The only thing wrong with it was that the girl residing in it was DEFINATELY not normal. Perhaps she was an alien of another species? After all, she had willingly consumed brain meats. God knows where those things came from.   
  
Dib inched forward and turned right to stare up at a carpeted stairwell. It didn't LOOK menacing. He turned around and smelled the air once again. Now, along with the smell of perfume and disinfectant, came the rich scent of brownies. Dib licked his lips, but then shook his head. "You have a job to do," he muttered to himself, like he often does. He jumped nimbly down the stairs, careful not to make the slightest noise, before opening the door and beckoning for Zim to come in. The alien approached the door hesitantly. Dib turned around and made his way toward the stairs. Zim, still intimidated, rushed in, gently shut the door, and followed.  
  
When they finished their ascent up the stairs, Dib pulled Zim over and whispered into the place where his ear should have been, "She's in one of these rooms. My guess is that it's that one," he said, pointing to a door that had a JtHM poster taped onto it. Zim nodded. Suddenly, a heavy silence fell upon them as they both looked expectantly at each other.  
  
"Well," Zim said, "What are you waiting for?"  
  
"You," came the reply. "Go on, open it."  
  
"Me?!"  
  
"Yeah, you. I had to go into the house first, you have to go into the room first."  
  
"But I--"  
  
"No way, Zim. You're not getting out of this this time. You go." He pushed his nemesis forward and stepped back, a smirk on his face.  
  
Zim did his best to remain indifferent. He scowled at his enemy, growling, "I'll have your filthy head for this, Dib-worm." Dib snorted and crossed his arms. "Do it," he ordered, "I'm waiting."  
  
Zim glanced around for any escape; the only way out was the stairway, which Dib was blocking. Zim sneered before turning to face the door. Gulping, he turned the knob and opened the door and widened his eyes. He opened his mouth to yell, but Dib tackled him and held a hand over his mouth. "What are you, crazy?" he hissed under his breath. "Don't say a word -- don't move!" He slowly released Zim and inched over to the doorway.  
  
Jess was on the floor under her desk, seemingly looking for something. And her computer screen was filled with a creepy lookin' red and black swirly pattern. But it wasn't projected on the screen. It seemed almost alive, like a another totally different thing itself, having nothing to do with the computer at all.   
  
"What IS that?" Dib whispered.  
  
"A portal," Zim answered, still on his back, "a portal to another dimension."  
  
---  
  
Ooh. Spookyness. 


End file.
